I am still here

I haven’t written or shared anything here in a while. Life has been kind of insane and surreal. COVID-19 has us at home and away from friends and colleagues. There are some things I am truly grateful for in spite of the coronavirus. I have learned heaps about teaching online. I have been very stressed about not being able to work due to my ME/CFS, but now I have hope that I can continue teaching and sharing art. I feel much closer with my kids. Having them with me 24/7 can be overwhelming, yet I am getting to know them much better than when I was at school all day and too exhausted at night. Another good thing is that I am able to continue meeting with my therapist through video calls. Seeing a therapist has been the one thing I have done for myself and stuck with it. It’s a relief to have the flexibility of video calls and not have to worry about missing work or being bed ridden. My husband falls into the “essential worker” category. His job tried to do remote work, but ultimately, it just wasn’t practical. He has been under a lot of pressure. I am so afraid the stress of everything will take him from the kids and me. Sometimes I like to convince myself that I am not sick. It doesn’t take long for my body to remind me otherwise. Today, for example, I microwaved food for my kids. Then I had to head back to bed. Not because I was “tired“ but I was having pain, nausea, sensory overload and dizziness. And you know what? I am pissed. I am so angry and frustrated. There are so many things I want and need to do and I just can’t! I have not been in my studio in months. I keep sketchbooks and art supplies in all over the house so that I can make art. However, oil painting is my best medium and the medium I feel most connected with

and that has to be in the studio because well, kids, pets, etc...

At first I was doing great working in my sketchbook and practicing my skills. I am not sure what happened. I just stopped. I didn’t stop completely but I haven’t been finishing drawings. I will post a few here from my sketchbook. Thanks for hanging in there. Love,

Helen